Why Bother?

Upon reading the essay “Why Don't We Complain?” by William F. Buckley, I was struck with a mix of thoughts. On one hand, I see those around me succumb to the chilly silence of acceptance. I am intrigued by this silence, as I, on the other hand, frequently speak my mind regardless of the opinions of those around me. I was raised this way; I was taught how to do so with tact and respect, while making my point clear. My mother is a letter writer (the “what are you people thinking” kind of letters), and the first to point out an incorrect price at the super market even if it is only $.03 off. Perhaps this is residual influence of her days as a teenager in the 60's. Though the essay was written before such notable protesting days, I believe those days may have contributed to why other people are so complacent now.

Buckley assumes the helpless attitudes of his countrymen are a result of the ability to merely pick up a phone to fix a pipe. Lack of personal responsibility on such issues, he concludes, has taught us to forget how to fend for ourselves, so to speak. I disagree.

Buckley himself sites several occasions when he did speak up, only to be met with little or no return for his effort. I assert that this has happened to many people, many times. The Vietnam War protesters are a good case in point. As a result, our society has adopted an attitude of “learned helplessness.”

Learned helplessness, as defined by Stedman's Medical Dictionary, occurs when “...exposure to a series of unforeseen adverse situations gives rise to a sense of helplessness or an inability to cope with or devise ways to escape such situations, even when escape is possible.” In this case, people have learned that complaining does no earthly good... even when it might.

Those who do bother to complain are often youth who lack the effective or, at least, non-vulgar vocabulary to adequately garner the respect in reaction that they seek. Therefore, service related workers are accustomed to immediately needing a wall of defense between them and anyone who starts a sentence with “Excuse me, Miss, but it seems there may be a problem here”. The rest of us (those who have manners, that is) are also subjected to the wall of defense and therefore are left holding the bag of unaddressed issues that Buckley writes about. As a result, many are inclined to think that if we stay silent then we will not confirm the suspicion that our complaints will only fall on deaf ears. A reality that only adds to the overall frustration level brought on by the original complaint.

Another source of this learned helplessness probably stems from a general lack of common sense on the part of such service workers. On a recent trip to McDonald's, the price that displayed on the drive-thru screen for my apple pie was $.10 higher than the price listed on the large print menu before me. Not so much caring about the dime, but being my mother's daughter, I felt the need to bring up the discrepancy to the young girl at window #1. Her immediate response floored me. “Oh, well, like, that's probably the price with tax and stuff”.

What? For starters, I informed her, the tax is calculated at the bottom of the screen on the total amount of the order, not on the item by item list. Secondly, tax in Missouri is not such that an $.89 pie would give the state $.10 in revenue. She was lost and only restated her original hypothesis (a word I'm sure she couldn't spell if paid to do so). Realizing all hope was lost at window #1, I made my case to “food passer outer” at window #2. After pondering the situation for a moment, she, too, came up with the same erroneous explanation.

When I called the manager after returning home with my over-paid-for apple pies, I am quite certain I heard him bang his head on the wall. [The mistake was an honest one as the price had indeed gone up, but due to construction, the sign had not been changed.] One can only be met with such ignorance so many times before one opts to take the silent road and maintain whatever level of personal sanity that may yet be afforded him/her.

Another look into this theory of learned helplessness shows that historically, when a person has the nerve to speak up (usually on matters of import far exceeding that of a train car temperature), the result attained is often not the result desired. No example makes this point as clear as that of Martin Luther. This great revolutionary, the father of Protestantism, had no desire to create a new religion or branch thereof. This is evidenced in the 1518 letter Luther wrote to Pope Leo X. himself. He continues to defer to the pontiff's supreme, God given authority. He merely sought change within the Roman Catholic Church, and such seeking found him excommunicated, unemployed, and the reluctant leader of a brand new denomination.

Some might ask, “Why should people's lack of willingness to complain be a big deal?”. Many Americans hold their tongue so hard for so long that when it is loosed, the full temper and fury of the previously mild mannered individual is bared for all to see. Buckley himself admits to being guilty of this 'crime'. When this happens, rational, mature adults are often reduced to the attitudes and vocabulary of the aforementioned youths who make successful complaining difficult for the rest of us.

I personally plan to actively teach my children how to question authority under the correct guidelines, just as my mother taught me. They will not always win the battle, but they will also be taught a certain level of perseverance. Perhaps if enough parents saw this issue as relevant and important to our culture's collective emotional health, we could raise a new generation of productive complainers.